When I imagined what I’d gain from the iDate conference, I was counting on great industry-related content, contacts and conversations (I hear alliteration sells.) I had no idea that I’d also end up in a quandary about my personal views on dating and sex (something that apparently sells even better than alliteration.) And if so, keep on reading!

The conference was packed with dynamic, brilliant, interesting people - characters, to say the least. I was fortunate enough to befriend a good number of them, including “Isabelle” who runs a successful on-line dating company (and is single, stunning and fun!) It was clear that she was just as interested in encountering play partners as business partners. And she was definitely not alone - conferences in general are (in)famous for people looking to hook up. You may remember what happened at the last one I attended.

With three nights of parties - I am still exhausted - crammed with men (did you know that the on-line dating industry is completely dominated by males?) Isabelle had plenty of opportunities to hook up. In the mornings I’d get cliff notes about her conquests - usually in the bathroom - and then a full report at dinner. I had the feeling of de-ja-Sex in the City.

And as I listened to Isabelle’s colorful stories - with a mix of admiration for her spontaneity and concern for her safety - it was clear that in this episode Isabelle played the role of the glamorous, uninhibited, take-no-prisoners-but-still-use-handcuffs Samantha and I of the pearls-wearing, super cautious, idealistically-romantic Charlotte. I was almost embarrassed to admit that I had never had a one-night stand. Between a new male friend affectionately teasing me for being a “good girl” and Isabelle bluntly telling me after a few drinks that I am “a little square” you can see I was in a bit of a quandary. If everyone is having so much fun doing it, the logical question becomes - am I totally missing out by NOT?

I suspect that every “Charlotte” at one point or another has wished that she were more of a “Samantha.” That she could get out of her head for ONCE, go with the flow and not consider consequences of her impulses. In fact, to not even have in her vocabulary words like “consider” and “consequences”! But the thing is - we’re just not Samantha. In our ever-conscientious brains we have a tally running of pros (fun, excitement, never having to tell people you haven’t had a one-night stand) and cons (STDs, demise of professional reputation, disliking self in the morning, etc.) The cons always seem to win.

In our heated sex-in-Miami discussions, Isabelle argued that the capacity to go with one’s feelings and enjoy the moment is a higher form of consciousness. That when we express love, physical or emotional, it raises our spiritual vibration and attracts more of what we want. And it’s FUN! I can see how liberating and fun and fabulous it could be… But no matter how I try and convince myself that casual sex is a good idea for ME, I fail to feel it.

At the risk of sounding like Carrie (which I’ve already been accused of), each person has to go with our gut or hormones or whatever we feel most compelled to listen to. If I have to expend that much energy on convincing myself that something I don’t feel good about is the right thing to do because it will raise my spiritual vibration (or cast me as Samantha in the next episode of Sex-less in the City)… I think I’ll pass. And if at any point winds change and the compass points to “hot hook-up opportunity at 2 o’clock” I’ll be delighted to follow it. Till then, I’ll follow my own bliss and your juicy stories (please!)

So what do YOU believe about casual sex? Is it good, bad, liberating, disappointing, advisable, path to higher consciousness? Has your view of it changed over time? And if so, what changed your mind? Talk to me!