You know how our views about ourselves, the world and relationships evolve (hopefully) as we get older?   Well this weekend I had an amazing opportunity to observe three generations of single women interact.  Imagine hearing first-hand from an egg, a chick and a hen!  Ok, not a very flattering metaphor to anyone involved but you get the point.  It was a fascinating, sociology-study-worthy conversation! 

After a happy hour on Friday some friends and I decided to go out to dinner.  I had just met Andrea, an attractive, ambitious 23-year-old banker of some sort.  She impressed me with her maturity, intelligence and personality and because my friends are well-connected people I invite her along.  I am constantly trying to connect people although romantic match-making has never been a forte - everyone I’ve ever tried to set up have ended up as best friends, roommates or business partners.  Anyway, Andrea gratefully accepted and off we went for Thai food.

Our table was a colorful, diverse bunch.  There were five women in their 40s, me in my 30s and Andrea (who incidentally, was the only non-single person in our group).  As the conversation turned to relationships - as it inevitably seems to any time women get together - one girl confided how difficult her last break-up had been.  Before any of us could respond, Andrea chimed in “Gosh, I love my boyfriend, but I actually kinda miss break-ups.  They are always so great for personal growth!”  Everyone else exchanged half-amused, half-incredulous glances - and I swear, I could hear silent groans - as we calculated that the last time Andrea had undergone a break-up was when she was 20!   I was afraid people would start throwing shoes at her!

I could read my friends’ minds (it was on mine too!)  No matter how independent, happy and evolved you are, you eventually get to an age (for most of us late 20s onwards) when you’re just plain tired of the “post-break-up personal growth”.  Break-up recuperation gets harder.  You can have the best attitude about being single and cognitively you still see what a good growing experience that relationship / break-up had been…  Except going back to “square one” becomes increasingly tiring and you certainly don’t want to hear an “egg’s” perspective on being a single “chicken”.  Ok, I am done with that metaphor, I promise.

I certainly don’t blame Andrea for her views (I won’t invite her out with my friends again, but  I don’t blame her.)  I know I didn’t get this when I was 23 or even 28.  I probably still don’t get it on the same level as my 40s friends.  And, call me a wimp, but I hope I never do because by 40 (let’s call it 33!) I am in a wonderful, committed relationship with my life partner.  In the meanwhile, with every relationship and subsequent break-up, I am starting to get it a bit more - actually way too well for comfort!

And how about you? What do you think?  Do break-ups get harder with time?  How did you handle it when you were in your teens, 20s, 30s…?  What is your perspective now? I am curious to hear about your experiences!